Almost time to publish my second novel! 

I finished it last year my second novel. But my family was struggling financially and in other ways so I to put off publishing it. Things are better now and not perfect but better. I’m definitely grateful for that. We have edited the book quite a lot and I finally finished formatting. That was difficult. I got InDesign but didn’t realize how expensive it was. Honestly it’s ridiculous paying that much for something every single year. I just got for one month. It’s just that so publishing is already so expensive you’re spending more money than you’re making spending extra money on that program kind of Downing.

Anyway I followed Hugh Howie’s formatting videos YouTube. Definitely helped me a lot but I still struggled quite a lot with formatting. I think I got it. Hopefully it’s finished right. All I have to do now is uploaded on CreateSpace. The cover that I want it’s a bit expensive so I’m going to probably get a different one that’s still expensive but not as much as the other one. It’s sad and disappointing but honestly financially it’s not good here. I also have to get the marketing products which wont be cheap. I know I’m spending more than I’m going to make…

Honestly it’s depressing. But writings my passion and I love to tell stories and have others read them. And enjoy them as much as I do. I know once I get noticed all of the struggle will be worth it. But of course my thoughts are constantly filled with… when will that happen? Support is something I need very badly. But you know what the worst thing is about self-publishing? That you think your family and friends will be right there behind you 100%. But they aren’t. Only a few family and friends actually care the other don’t give a damn. I basically have to beg and guilt trip just to get a like on Facebook for one of my book post. It’s depressing and pathetic… because that’s for my own family and friends. I’ve seen more support from strangers and people at work than anything and that said.

I guess the first thing with self-publishing you have to accept that you’re hardly going to get any support from family and friends. It’s very difficult yes it’s depressing. But I have to accept it and let it go. I’m going to remember the ones who were there for me from the beginning. And those who will pretend that they’ve been there for me since the beginning after I become a bestseller will they better not be surprised when I ignore them. They can try to call me stuck-up or something but honestly you weren’t there for me when I really need it support so why should I ignore you now? I know that sounds mean but anyone who self-publish or try to start their own business knows how difficult it is and knows how much support they need to get established.

I just have to learn to let that go and accept that I’m not going to get a lot of support from people who are supposed to care about me. And just focus on those people who care about me and support me. They matter the most. I know I have to do most of marketing in supporting myself. And I know I can I just have to make sure I get a good marketing plan before I publish this next book. I need to get known and out there. I also need to fix the formatting for my first book it’s not terrible but it’s not perfect.

I have a lot I have to do. I need to start prioritizing better. I know I can get noticed sooner if I do things right like marketing and getting my name out. Anxiety and anti-socialness hurts me badly. I’m trying really hard to grow self-confidence and self-esteem. Trying to build myself up better so I can help myself better.

Life is okay. I have a job not what I want to do for the rest of my life but I’m grateful for it. I seem to be writing better and hoping to put out some more short novels later this year. I’ve been studying business is also. I want to open my own doggie daycare boarding Center. I’m trying to save money for that. Saving money is very difficult because my family’s Financial stuff is not great. I’m definitely stressing constantly about money and I hate it. Once I pay off my car it’ll be better. I can’t wait for the day I have my own boss it’s going to be a beautiful amazing day. I’m going to keep believing that all happened because it will. Because I have no will our wish to have any other life but Be My Own Boss.

The Ashes of Amour will be out soon and I’m so excited and proud of myself. I know I feel like I haven’t done much and I feel disappointed in myself a lot and like a loser but I’m not. I’ve done a lot and I should be proud of myself and I’m learning to love myself. I’m definitely looking forward to this.

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