The Ashes of Amour will be available soon.

I’m doing the last editing. Then I’ll be able to publish it. I want to order books myself first to sell from my hand. Then sell it on create space and Amazon. Already have a couple of buyers. Definitely excited and proud of myself. A lot of times I feel like a failure and a loser because I’m not where I want to be. But I know I’m going to get to where I want to be. Because I believe myself and I will not give up. Plus I refuse to be in retail forever.

Trying to work on more marketing material though. It’s not cheap and right now financially I’m not the best. Though I know it won’t be like this all the time. I’m also still studying business because I will open a dog daycare business one day. I wish it was right now. Gosh I hate waiting.
Anyway my book will be out pretty soon. I’m really excited. I have some supporters but I can’t wait to get more. I want to make this a full-time job. I really really want to make this my only job besides also have enough own business someday. But I have to be patient which is really difficult sometimes. My anxiety is really bad too… 

Trying to get more people to like and share my stuff. So I can get more supporters. But you practically have to beg people just to like one of your post. Honestly it’s pretty pathetic and sad the lack of support you get from family and friends. And also I am going to remember the ones who supported me. Not the ones who I had to make feel guilty just to get a share. Or all the sudden started caring when I pointed out a lot of people don’t support me. Pretending to care so they can try to get something out of me when I make it big.

But it is how it is… They don’t care until they can get something out of you… Pretty sad. But I have to let that go. With self publishing or any real business you want to start. You have to do most the work yourself. I do have support though. Not going to say I don’t. I have a lot of people who do care and I’m super grateful for those.

I’m thinking about going to like the cities and going to Billboards and stuff. Like that place in Austin by the campus. Putting my marketing material. I have to try really hard to get myself out there. But I also need to write more. I’m writing on a short novel. I really love the idea. It’s going to be a horror Sci-Fi Action novel. And I love the story and I’m starting to write it more I’m already on chapter 2. my writer’s block can be so horrible. I hate how I write more in my head than anything.

But I have to just write if I’m going to get anything out. I have a few ideas that I want to do this year. I have this one series…which I absolutely love and it’s complete in my head. And I started on it but I keep going away from it… getting writer’s block.. I have finished two novels so I know I can do it. I just got to write. But my anxiety always messes with me…

I always feel on edge and very tense. Like I don’t have enough time. I feel lazy and drained a lot. I know it’s my anxiety. A lot of it’s caused by work stress. My anxiety at work is terrible. I know it’s not going to be forever but it gets very difficult. I’ve been looking at therapist but I’m so short on money I don’t know if I can afford it. But my anxiety is holding me back very badly. And I have to get control of it. It’s very difficult.

I need to write more. Actually I guess I will write before I go to bed. I love my two novels I have out now. But I know I can do better. I think they’re great just I know I can do more. I just need to release more. I love writing and honestly I wish it was the only thing I was doing right now. That and studying for doggie daycare. Tired of having such terrible anxiety holding me back. But I have to stay positive and keep trying. I want to take care of my family Sunday and I will.
So my second novel will be out. It’s actually a great accomplishment and I need to realize that. Stop feeling so down on myself. Life is actually pretty good right now. Even if I don’t have what I want in life. And if I’m not very financially stable. I’m very grateful for all I have life is good. And it will get better because I’m going to make it better. I finished two novels! That seems so crazy but I did! I can’t wait for more people to read it 🙂

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