Trying to figure out a good game plan.

I have a few ideas for marketing. Like pamphlets and flyers and of course new business cards. But I just need to get my butt out and go put them around. I put some cards around today in stores I stopped at. But I need to do more and go to bigger cities. That’s what sucks about having such bad anxiety and social anxiety. And a avoidance disorder.

I know what I have to do and I just need to go do it. But it just makes me want to stay home and do nothing. But I know the only way I can do this is if I get off my butt and do it. I want to take some time to go to like Austin go around and pass my stuff out. But I also want to find new groups like book groups and stuff like that to join. I need to get a bunch of marketing materials together though which means spending more money.

I know self-publishing is spending a bunch of money. And I know in the end it’ll be worth it when you get noticed. But goodness when you’re already broke and barely getting by it’s very difficult. The stress of being constantly broke is always holding me down. Also I wish I had real internet so I can make my marketing material better. But all I have is my phone a lot of the sites don’t work properly.

Which is fine because I can visit my grandmother. But it’s so annoying having to drive places just for Internet. Also I need to make sure I have the money first before I do all that. Which is really annoying. I sound extremely negative. But money means everything really. Without it I can’t do anything. And I know I’m going to be spending a lot of money before I make anything. And that is stressful. But I love writing… it’s what I want to do I’m going to make a career out of it.

Honestly I hope it doesn’t take too long. I’m grateful for the job I have now but I know it’s not where I’m supposed to be. I’m also constantly working on my doggie daycare idea. Even if a lot of time it’s in my head. I really really want to have my own doggie daycare business. Even if that takes me awhile. Even if my book career gets off first someday that’s what I want to do. Or if that came first that’s fine. But I know I need to build a lot of confidence and self esteem.

People have been buying my second book but of course not a lot. Sad when your own family doesn’t really buy the books. Because you think they’re going to be the first to support you but in reality that’s not true. I’ve had more strangers want it than anything. But I have to stay positive. I’m very grateful for those who bought the book! Really happy about those who have been supporting me even if it’s only a few. Because a few will turn into many. And I just have to stay positive and keep looking forward to the future.

Right now I’m trying to work on being more grateful and positive. I complain too much and I’m too negative. I know I’m better than I used to be though. But I want to show more gratitude. I know I’m not where I want to be and we’re very broke. But it could be worse. We could have no house or job. I’m grateful for all I have even though I know I could have more and better. I’m trying to love myself  while I make something out of myself. My self-esteem is very low about my body image too but I’m trying to work on that as well.  I’m trying to be happier and positive so I can have a happy positive life. 

But that’s why I’m trying to write so I can have a good career so I can take care of my family. Sometimes I do wish I had gone to school perhaps I would have a job better one. But I also would be crippling debt.

I’m lucky that all I owe is on my car. I wish I could go to school but only if I could afford it. I know what I want to do writing and owning a doggie daycare business you don’t have to go to school. There’s also so much good material online and of course and regular books that you can learn. There’s so many things I want and wish for and my anxiety… it’s tearing me apart a lot. But I keep believing that there’s going to be more than this.

Because life isn’t terrible. And I’m not always going to be broke. And I’m going to be able to take care of my family. I just have to keep trying and believing. And finding outlets for my stress. Like working out what I should be doing instead of writing this blog. Hopefully I’ll have another book out soon.

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