*Apologies any mess-ups. I did this by voice to text.*
I’m almost done going through my novel A Way Home. Doing my own little editing. Which isn’t the best editing since I’m not very good at that. But, I’ve come a long way. Being dyslexic and having dysgraphia makes things difficult but not impossible. Someday I hope I’m able to earn enough so I can get tutoring. This time I want to actually get a editor and someone to format my novel.
I know this means I’m not going to be making any money on this novel. But my first two novels even though they’re good. It’s obvious I didn’t have a real editor. And though I have good reviews now because family and friends I know eventually I’ll get bad ones about bad grammar and stuff like that. I want to look more professional. Even if it cost me. It’ll all be worth it when I’m successful. Hopefully it’s sooner than later.
I’m also going to do some fun book promotions. Like, the first five people to buy my novel will get a free mug. I want to do more. It’s already going to be expensive though. I’m trying to get people to want to help support me better. It’s so difficult already. No one ever tells you going into self-publishing or drawing or anything creative means that your family and friends really don’t care. Not saying that all of them don’t. But in the end you practically have to beg a lot of them to support you.
I want to somehow get more. But I want to get them without having to pay people or something. I was thinking maybe if people give me reviews I can give them a little special gift. But I don’t want that to look like I’m paying them. That’s so difficult. People will read the book and say that they enjoyed it. But I practically have to Guilt Trip them for review. Some people say oh they just don’t have time. And I’m thinking but you have time to post random memes on Facebook or post drama or something on Facebook. But you don’t have 5 minutes to go on Amazon or Goodreads to leave a to two-sentence review?
I’m not trying to be harsh or mean. But that’s the reality of self-publishing or being an artist. I’m grateful for those who take the time and actually leave reviews. So I’m trying to figure out how I can promote people to leave me reviews. Anyway I’m going to do some giveaways too. I’m really excited about this novel. I’ve been coming up of many story ideas. I just have to write them down.
My problem is I’ll come up with a story and obsessed with it for weeks and I’ll write some of it down. Then I’ll fade away and I’ll go to another idea and do the same thing and repeat. It’s a really a bad habit. because I have so many good story ideas. But I just get bored. Not that the story is boring or anything. I just can’t focus. I have really bad attention problems. But I know if I just sit myself down and forcing myself to…
So try to look in to find a therapist to go to. Talk about my stresses and anxieties. I feel so just exhausted and tired all the time. I have to force myself to write or workout. And I know that’s probably depression too. It’s difficult when I have dealt with it for my whole life. My full-time job can be very stressful too. But I’m constantly reminding myself it’s not forever. It’s a stepping stone to a better future. I just have to keep writing. But I also need to start studying for my doggie daycare future too. That’s something I’m very depending on. I know I can do it. I have to do it. Just have to believe and try.
Losing weight has been so difficult. Haven’t gained any weight in a while. So I’m happy about that. But it seems like it’s impossible to lose the last 30 lbs. I’m seriously considering liposuction. I don’t think anyone should be ashamed I plastic surgery. Especially when they’re trying so hard and getting no results. I know stress is what’s making it very difficult to. But I highly doubt I’ll be able to escape that.
But, I know it will take a while. But if I keep trying to put myself out there and if I do a better job of promoting then people will notice me. It’s just constant doubt my anxieties that hold me back. And I hate it. It’s not fair that people who deal with abuse, when it’s not their fault, they’re the ones who have to suffer for the rest of their lives. Because of some awful people. Because their brains have been damaged. But I try each day. I’m only 26 but I feel like I should be somewhere else. More successful. And I know I shouldn’t put that pressure on me or expectations. But, damn I really wish I had more.
I’m grateful for all I have. And I’m glad I have a stable job. Even if it’s stressful. I’m glad I have a working vehicle in a house. And my family. I know it could be way worse. But what I also know is that it could be better. And I’m aiming for better. I’m not going to settle for this. I don’t need to be a billionaire Or have a mansion. But what I want, is to be able to go to the doctor, buy groceries, get gas, and still be able to do something entertaining. I don’t want to live paycheck-to-paycheck anymore. Constantly fearing something terrible happened and not being able to afford it.
Like I said I’m happy I have the stuff I do in my life. But, I’m not going to settle for this when I know I deserve better. When my family deserves better. I want to be a successful author because it makes me Happy. I want to own my own doggie day care because it makes me happy. I will do these. I must. I will keep trying.