A Way Home.


“Why is everything so broken?”
“Only the broken see everything as broken my dear.”

– A Way home.

“Alice’s world is dying. In an attempt to save it she must enter mysterious worlds. Worlds where she hopes to find answers or a new home. Protecting her family is all she dreams of; but doubt and fear grows in her heart with each new, rotting world. Is there ever an end to the choas? Will the secrets of a lost past bring clarity or only more pain? Will Alice ever find a new home and safety for those she loves, or will she fade away with the rest?”

New sci-fi, horror, suspense novel I am working on! Not part of the Amour series though! My goal is to publish it soon!  I’m doing pretty well and writing on it. Pretty excited about it. hoping to be finished by this month. I already have the cover picked out which matches the picture in this post. Also trying to write on a space series. Trying to get stuff out! Need to get my marketing material soon. But I also need money. Just hoping things start to pick up soon. Really want this to be my career. Just have to keep trying and hoping.

Trying to figure out a good game plan.

I have a few ideas for marketing. Like pamphlets and flyers and of course new business cards. But I just need to get my butt out and go put them around. I put some cards around today in stores I stopped at. But I need to do more and go to bigger cities. That’s what sucks about having such bad anxiety and social anxiety. And a avoidance disorder.

I know what I have to do and I just need to go do it. But it just makes me want to stay home and do nothing. But I know the only way I can do this is if I get off my butt and do it. I want to take some time to go to like Austin go around and pass my stuff out. But I also want to find new groups like book groups and stuff like that to join. I need to get a bunch of marketing materials together though which means spending more money.

I know self-publishing is spending a bunch of money. And I know in the end it’ll be worth it when you get noticed. But goodness when you’re already broke and barely getting by it’s very difficult. The stress of being constantly broke is always holding me down. Also I wish I had real internet so I can make my marketing material better. But all I have is my phone a lot of the sites don’t work properly.

Which is fine because I can visit my grandmother. But it’s so annoying having to drive places just for Internet. Also I need to make sure I have the money first before I do all that. Which is really annoying. I sound extremely negative. But money means everything really. Without it I can’t do anything. And I know I’m going to be spending a lot of money before I make anything. And that is stressful. But I love writing… it’s what I want to do I’m going to make a career out of it.

Honestly I hope it doesn’t take too long. I’m grateful for the job I have now but I know it’s not where I’m supposed to be. I’m also constantly working on my doggie daycare idea. Even if a lot of time it’s in my head. I really really want to have my own doggie daycare business. Even if that takes me awhile. Even if my book career gets off first someday that’s what I want to do. Or if that came first that’s fine. But I know I need to build a lot of confidence and self esteem.

People have been buying my second book but of course not a lot. Sad when your own family doesn’t really buy the books. Because you think they’re going to be the first to support you but in reality that’s not true. I’ve had more strangers want it than anything. But I have to stay positive. I’m very grateful for those who bought the book! Really happy about those who have been supporting me even if it’s only a few. Because a few will turn into many. And I just have to stay positive and keep looking forward to the future.

Right now I’m trying to work on being more grateful and positive. I complain too much and I’m too negative. I know I’m better than I used to be though. But I want to show more gratitude. I know I’m not where I want to be and we’re very broke. But it could be worse. We could have no house or job. I’m grateful for all I have even though I know I could have more and better. I’m trying to love myself  while I make something out of myself. My self-esteem is very low about my body image too but I’m trying to work on that as well.  I’m trying to be happier and positive so I can have a happy positive life. 

But that’s why I’m trying to write so I can have a good career so I can take care of my family. Sometimes I do wish I had gone to school perhaps I would have a job better one. But I also would be crippling debt.

I’m lucky that all I owe is on my car. I wish I could go to school but only if I could afford it. I know what I want to do writing and owning a doggie daycare business you don’t have to go to school. There’s also so much good material online and of course and regular books that you can learn. There’s so many things I want and wish for and my anxiety… it’s tearing me apart a lot. But I keep believing that there’s going to be more than this.

Because life isn’t terrible. And I’m not always going to be broke. And I’m going to be able to take care of my family. I just have to keep trying and believing. And finding outlets for my stress. Like working out what I should be doing instead of writing this blog. Hopefully I’ll have another book out soon.

Really enjoy doing this.

Just signing some books. One day it will be a normal thing for me ❤ I hope that day is soon. I need to do some more writing though. Publish some more! Just have to push the self-doubt from my mind. Must think positive! It will happen!

Buy my first and second novel in the Amour series! A horror, drama, and suspense novel! The ebook is only $.99 Cents!
Ebook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0722YP1TR

BUY MY SECOND BOOK The Ashes of Amour!

Ebook: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B072F5B192

#positive #positivevibes

My novel and a book is available now!

Nothing is more annoying than writing a whole blog. And having it be deleted. Really really annoying. Just really frustrating. But I fix the formatting on my first book and it looks more professional now. I also fix the formatting for my ebooks so they can be purchased now. Sales Online almost none existing. Because those who swear they support me don’t actually do. Which is extremely depressing but it’s reality. But I’m grateful for those who have purchased my novel so far. You guys are amazing.

Sells by my own hand haven’t been bad. I have a couple of people who want to buy it. Which I’m grateful for. Just sucks having friendly and friends you don’t actually care. But the moment I become a best seller they’ll come running. But I’m going to remember those who I didn’t have to beg for support. Not those who only came when they can get something out of me.

Sorry I’m just really irritated right now. I know it’ll all be worth it someday. I’m just so exhausted all the time. From my main job. I’m grateful for that job but God I’m so tired all the time. It’s difficult to concentrate on writing. I just want my dream job so badly. Just to take care of my family and not have to worry anymore. I’ve also been slacking on working out which is not good. My self-esteem is very low right now too. I’m trying to fix myself. Trying to stop feeling sorry for myself because that’s not good. Cutting people out of my life that are toxic. I’m trying to keep positive people around me.

I’ve been writing on a novel. And I’ve been writing really well on it. Not the series I want to write on. But I’m just glad I’m writing on something. And I’m hoping to finish it soon so I can publish that too. So you know people can pretend they’re interested in it until it goes fot sell. Just pathetic.

Sorry I’m just not feeling it today. I’ve been very exhausted I’m tired of feeling tired and weak all the time. Really am trying to fix my confidence and it’s been extremely difficult. I just want people to actually support me like they swear they do. Just saying they do doesn’t do anything. I know self publishing is difficult… people aren’t going to buy until they know you. And I know it’s worth it in the end. But sometimes I just want to scream.

I’m going to keep writing. Because I believe I’m going to get somewhere. And I’m going to be somebody. I just can’t give up…

Just photo of the ones who truly make me happy.

You can buy my second novel now!! 

My second novel The Ashes of Amour is live now!!! It is not up on amazon yet. Maybe a few days before it is… however, you can buy it on CreateSpace right now at this link The Ashes of Amour on createspace

Yes that is right!!! It is $10 on createspace!! If you think that is a lot… well let me tell you I do not make that make when it is bought. I barely get $5…anywho!!! Please help support me by buying my second novel! Please also like and share my post, page, and website! Help me get known!!! I am very excited about this!!

Also my plans are to order some of my first and second books so I can sell them myself. So if you live close to me I can sell you them myself. I will actually get more pay this way and be able to sign the book for you. ❤
Thank you so much!!!!!! ❤ 

The Ashes of Amour will be available soon.

I’m doing the last editing. Then I’ll be able to publish it. I want to order books myself first to sell from my hand. Then sell it on create space and Amazon. Already have a couple of buyers. Definitely excited and proud of myself. A lot of times I feel like a failure and a loser because I’m not where I want to be. But I know I’m going to get to where I want to be. Because I believe myself and I will not give up. Plus I refuse to be in retail forever.

Trying to work on more marketing material though. It’s not cheap and right now financially I’m not the best. Though I know it won’t be like this all the time. I’m also still studying business because I will open a dog daycare business one day. I wish it was right now. Gosh I hate waiting.
Anyway my book will be out pretty soon. I’m really excited. I have some supporters but I can’t wait to get more. I want to make this a full-time job. I really really want to make this my only job besides also have enough own business someday. But I have to be patient which is really difficult sometimes. My anxiety is really bad too… 

Trying to get more people to like and share my stuff. So I can get more supporters. But you practically have to beg people just to like one of your post. Honestly it’s pretty pathetic and sad the lack of support you get from family and friends. And also I am going to remember the ones who supported me. Not the ones who I had to make feel guilty just to get a share. Or all the sudden started caring when I pointed out a lot of people don’t support me. Pretending to care so they can try to get something out of me when I make it big.

But it is how it is… They don’t care until they can get something out of you… Pretty sad. But I have to let that go. With self publishing or any real business you want to start. You have to do most the work yourself. I do have support though. Not going to say I don’t. I have a lot of people who do care and I’m super grateful for those.

I’m thinking about going to like the cities and going to Billboards and stuff. Like that place in Austin by the campus. Putting my marketing material. I have to try really hard to get myself out there. But I also need to write more. I’m writing on a short novel. I really love the idea. It’s going to be a horror Sci-Fi Action novel. And I love the story and I’m starting to write it more I’m already on chapter 2. my writer’s block can be so horrible. I hate how I write more in my head than anything.

But I have to just write if I’m going to get anything out. I have a few ideas that I want to do this year. I have this one series…which I absolutely love and it’s complete in my head. And I started on it but I keep going away from it… getting writer’s block.. I have finished two novels so I know I can do it. I just got to write. But my anxiety always messes with me…

I always feel on edge and very tense. Like I don’t have enough time. I feel lazy and drained a lot. I know it’s my anxiety. A lot of it’s caused by work stress. My anxiety at work is terrible. I know it’s not going to be forever but it gets very difficult. I’ve been looking at therapist but I’m so short on money I don’t know if I can afford it. But my anxiety is holding me back very badly. And I have to get control of it. It’s very difficult.

I need to write more. Actually I guess I will write before I go to bed. I love my two novels I have out now. But I know I can do better. I think they’re great just I know I can do more. I just need to release more. I love writing and honestly I wish it was the only thing I was doing right now. That and studying for doggie daycare. Tired of having such terrible anxiety holding me back. But I have to stay positive and keep trying. I want to take care of my family Sunday and I will.
So my second novel will be out. It’s actually a great accomplishment and I need to realize that. Stop feeling so down on myself. Life is actually pretty good right now. Even if I don’t have what I want in life. And if I’m not very financially stable. I’m very grateful for all I have life is good. And it will get better because I’m going to make it better. I finished two novels! That seems so crazy but I did! I can’t wait for more people to read it 🙂

The Ashes of Amour!

I had just wrote a whole blog and it deleted it. Talk about extremely annoying. So this one’s going to be probably shorter. Anyway I got the proof of my book in which is a paperback book. So we’re currently editing it. Well looking through it to edit it. Then we’ll have to wait another week for it to come in again to check it to make sure it’s good. Once that’s finished I can order about 30 books or more to sell for my hand. People can also purchase it from Amazon or CreateSpace.

I am excited. This novel is definitely beautiful. I love my first novel also. Except the formatting is not very professional and I’m trying to fix it but it’s been very difficult. My second novel The formatting is so much better and beautiful. Very professional even though I did it myself.

I use the same cover artist she does great work. It’s actually pre-made covers but still very good. The book looks really professional. Even with my dysgraphia and dyslexia which makes me mess up with writing it’s very good. But I learn everyday and I get better every day. You have to start somewhere. And I’m not going to give up because I have disabilities or I don’t have the money to get real editors.

I think we did a fantastic job. And as any Riders I have doubt of course. And I know when I put it for sale not many will buy it. But some will and I’ll remember those. I know being a self-publisher that isn’t known can be really difficult. I’ll be spending more money then I’ll be making. But it’s worth it. I love writing and it makes me extremely happy. And someday I’ll be known.

I have new business cards and I definitely love them. So for three people asked for them so they can give them out or leave them at shops are on cards. It makes me sad that so few people asked. But I know that’s how it’s going to be. The first thing you need to learn about self-publishing as that most family and friends don’t give a damn. You’re going to have to do it almost all by yourself. The marketing and everything.

Yet the moment I become a best seller and start making money they’re going to pretend that they’ve always been there for me. But I’m not dumb and I remember who’s actually there for me. Anyway I’m really excited about my novel coming out. I really bad anxiety though.

Anxiety and low self-esteem creates such doubt period that people will hate my writing. But I also know I have to accept that there will be people who don’t like my books are my stories. That’s totally understandable because there some novels I don’t like. Anxiety holds me back so badly like I’m constantly so aware of my I have my issues period in public I get so tensed up and stiff. Especially at work. And I get a frayed to bring my book places are my marketing product places. But I know I have to stop being scared and stop letting anxiety hold me back. My anxiety will be ruin of me. I’m the only one who will be make me into someone.

I get scared of doing things so I don’t and I make excuses. But in the end it’s just anxiety and fear of rejection. or looking dumb.

I can either let it keep holding me back and destroying my life. Or push past the uncomfortableness and fear and help myself. But it’s up to me to make me into somebody. I can either do nothing and be nobody or be all that I dream.

I’m also trying to be more physically fit and I’m doing better. Also trying to eat better which is a bit harder. But I’m trying to be physically and mentally healthy. Because it’s the only way I’ll be successful in writing and owning a doggie daycare business. Only I holding myself back. I have to stop.

I’m very excited about my novels and reading them. I cannot wait till I get home. And I hope that it soon! Because I really really want my dream.

Almost time to publish my second novel! 

I finished it last year my second novel. But my family was struggling financially and in other ways so I to put off publishing it. Things are better now and not perfect but better. I’m definitely grateful for that. We have edited the book quite a lot and I finally finished formatting. That was difficult. I got InDesign but didn’t realize how expensive it was. Honestly it’s ridiculous paying that much for something every single year. I just got for one month. It’s just that so publishing is already so expensive you’re spending more money than you’re making spending extra money on that program kind of Downing.

Anyway I followed Hugh Howie’s formatting videos YouTube. Definitely helped me a lot but I still struggled quite a lot with formatting. I think I got it. Hopefully it’s finished right. All I have to do now is uploaded on CreateSpace. The cover that I want it’s a bit expensive so I’m going to probably get a different one that’s still expensive but not as much as the other one. It’s sad and disappointing but honestly financially it’s not good here. I also have to get the marketing products which wont be cheap. I know I’m spending more than I’m going to make…

Honestly it’s depressing. But writings my passion and I love to tell stories and have others read them. And enjoy them as much as I do. I know once I get noticed all of the struggle will be worth it. But of course my thoughts are constantly filled with… when will that happen? Support is something I need very badly. But you know what the worst thing is about self-publishing? That you think your family and friends will be right there behind you 100%. But they aren’t. Only a few family and friends actually care the other don’t give a damn. I basically have to beg and guilt trip just to get a like on Facebook for one of my book post. It’s depressing and pathetic… because that’s for my own family and friends. I’ve seen more support from strangers and people at work than anything and that said.

I guess the first thing with self-publishing you have to accept that you’re hardly going to get any support from family and friends. It’s very difficult yes it’s depressing. But I have to accept it and let it go. I’m going to remember the ones who were there for me from the beginning. And those who will pretend that they’ve been there for me since the beginning after I become a bestseller will they better not be surprised when I ignore them. They can try to call me stuck-up or something but honestly you weren’t there for me when I really need it support so why should I ignore you now? I know that sounds mean but anyone who self-publish or try to start their own business knows how difficult it is and knows how much support they need to get established.

I just have to learn to let that go and accept that I’m not going to get a lot of support from people who are supposed to care about me. And just focus on those people who care about me and support me. They matter the most. I know I have to do most of marketing in supporting myself. And I know I can I just have to make sure I get a good marketing plan before I publish this next book. I need to get known and out there. I also need to fix the formatting for my first book it’s not terrible but it’s not perfect.

I have a lot I have to do. I need to start prioritizing better. I know I can get noticed sooner if I do things right like marketing and getting my name out. Anxiety and anti-socialness hurts me badly. I’m trying really hard to grow self-confidence and self-esteem. Trying to build myself up better so I can help myself better.

Life is okay. I have a job not what I want to do for the rest of my life but I’m grateful for it. I seem to be writing better and hoping to put out some more short novels later this year. I’ve been studying business is also. I want to open my own doggie daycare boarding Center. I’m trying to save money for that. Saving money is very difficult because my family’s Financial stuff is not great. I’m definitely stressing constantly about money and I hate it. Once I pay off my car it’ll be better. I can’t wait for the day I have my own boss it’s going to be a beautiful amazing day. I’m going to keep believing that all happened because it will. Because I have no will our wish to have any other life but Be My Own Boss.

The Ashes of Amour will be out soon and I’m so excited and proud of myself. I know I feel like I haven’t done much and I feel disappointed in myself a lot and like a loser but I’m not. I’ve done a lot and I should be proud of myself and I’m learning to love myself. I’m definitely looking forward to this.

Second novel coming soon!

I know I finished The Ashes of Amour last year but we went through many struggles last year. It kept me from doing much with my writings. However, things are better and I am going through The Ashes of Amour again. Trying to edit it as best as I can. Then we will work on formatting it. I have the cover picked out so that is something. It is badass! Works so well with the novel.

So maybe in next month I will have it published. First I must work on a good marketing plan. That is what I have failed on. I have no excuse this year! Though money is super tight… yet I will find a way. It is still difficult now… but I want my novels out there! People to read them and be entertained. Someday I will be a best seller!

But first I must work on marketing! Otherwise I’ll never get known. My other plans is to publish short novels…the more I get out the more likly I will get known. I have a notebook with ideas… just have to write.
I’ve been trying to just focus on The Ashes of Amour right now. But I have started other series… even the third book of the Amour series! Honestly just have to stop being lazy and just write!!!! It is my dream. I am the only one who can make it real.

So hopefully I’ll have the second novel out soon!! I am very proud of myself for finishing two books! Seems so impossible! But I did it.I know I have a lot to learn about writing but I know I am getting better everyday.

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