Update!

Apologies for not updating often. I know I need to. Apparently updating your website often is a good thing for you. Those since I have such a small fan base I don’t know if they even know about this website. But I should updated it more.

Anyway I am finished writing A Way Home. I haven’t started editing it yet. Because I’ve been thinking about the third book for my Amour serious. Which I finally figured out today. I already had the story and the ending. However some of the middle parts I wasn’t sure about. But I finally got it all together. And I’m going to start writing on it. I already have a few paragraphs. I’m going to start editing A Way Home now. I’m hoping to get that out within a month.

I’m super excited about this. Because life is very stressful and it just got even more difficult. I wish I didn’t have to go through this stress. People should never have to be put through this. It’s ridiculous. But I know someday it won’t matter. Because I’ll be above this and I’ll be doing what I love. I just have to stick with it and just try to stay strong. Even though it’s really difficult. I just want to scream most the time.

anyway the museum in the town that I live in is doing a showcase on local Authors. And they asked me if I would be in it. Of course I said yes! I know it’s small and just a small town. But it’s a start and some kind of exposure and I’m excited! I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. But it’s definitely good. I wish I could give them more cards. It’s going to be up by Wednesday but I won’t be able to see it probably till another week. Because my work schedule. But I’m very excited. He’s starting a small town and then end up as a New York Times best seller! I just hope sooner than later.

Because I’m really stressed out right now. And my anxiety is really bad. I’m trying really hard not to let it get me down but it’s very difficult. I’m also having trouble with weight loss. But I’m trying to stay positive. I need to start going to town to pass out my cards more. But that’s the update for now!

Almost finished with A Way Home! Small update.

Small update on things…

I’ve been writing a lot on my new novel A Way Home. I know I should be writing on the last book of the Amour series but I am taking a break from it so that I can focus on a different book. I’ve actually been doing really well at staying focused on writing. Even if it’s not the greatest writing. But a bad page is always better then a blank page. I’m also hoping I can actually afford an real editor this time.

I really hope for that. I definitely like the novel. Every now and then I start to hate it. But when you write on something every single day and you know the story just every part of it. It gets blah sometimes. Which is totally fine. It’s going to be needing a really really good editing though. But I know I can do that too. I’m really excited about it. It’s a horror novel but more of a suspense thriller. And of course the main character has her name with A as the first letter. Not sure why I’m so obsessed with naming my main characters with the letter A. But whatever.

I still haven’t done much with marketing and advertising. And I know I’m dumb for that. I’m going to go to town soon to talk to the bank about something. So I’m going to go to the bookstores to and put my cards around. Hopefully by then I’ll get the bookmarks I ordered to come in. Though I don’t want to give too many of those away. I need to order more marketing material though.

I’ve been really lazy about marketing my book. Especially online. But it’s very difficult online to do that. A lot of websites call for a lot of things which one knowing. But I know I need to do better. Stop the excuses. I slack too much because of my anxiety and it holds me back. But I have a small plan and that’s better than anything. I just have to keep writing. Just have to stop letting me hold me back.

I have many ideas and stories to focus on. Though it’s difficult just to focus on one. And I have so many I want to write but I don’t even know where to start. Or some are so complex. Mostly all of them are fantasy and sci-fi. I have so many stories in my head that I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. It’s so hard to explain, it’s like there’s so many people trapped inside me, like I’m going to explode.

I just hope all this is all worth it. Because I’m tired of the same cycle every single day. I’m grateful for all I have but I know I’m meant for more. And I’m so terrified I’m just going to be nothing and stay on the same path that’s not satisfying in any way. Like I said I’m happy for what I have now. But I want so much more. I just need to focus on believing that I will become a successful Author. And also a business owner 🙂

A Way Home.

I am working on a new novel. Well I have been for awhile now. I am almost done. But, of course it will need a lot of editing. I mean a lot… but I love it! Sometimes I hate it but that is because when you work on something for so long you just go crazy. But, I do love it. I am trying to write on a few other books too. It is harder to do the series books. Not sure why though… But, hoping to finish something else soon. I need to stay focused on writing more. I know nothing big is happening for me right now with my writing and it probably wont for a long time. I am trying to stay hopeful though. Maybe those who say they will help spread the word about me will. I can only hope right? Though I need to stop being lazy and get my butt into the city and hand out my cards and posters. I need more marketing products though. I need a better marketing plan actually. But, if I wrote a nice tween-novel I bet I could go big quick. Yet every time I try to write a teen novel it gets very rated R. Sigh… I must keep trying though! Here is my picture I made for my new novel A Way Home.

A WAY HOME-

“Alice’s world is dying. In an attempt to save it she must enter mysterious worlds. Worlds where she hopes to find answers or a new home. Protecting her family is all she dreams of; but doubt and fear grows in her heart with each new, rotting world. Is there ever an end to the chaos? Will the secrets of a lost past bring clarity or only more pain? Will Alice ever find a new home and safety for those she loves, or will she fade away with the rest?”

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Making plans.

Messing around with my website trying to make it look better. I know a prettier website would help. Also thinking about a email list but I hardly have fans right now. So, maybe later. Looking at more and better ways to market my books. Looking into trailers now… need to make more picture previews too. I’ve been pretty lazy recently with marketing and it is not good.

I have been writing every night though. On my novel A Way Home. Which is great. Even though it is a very rough daft. I just wish I could do this all the time. I am grateful for my job I have. I just wish I could make money on my writing now so it can be all I focus on. That would be very nice. I am twenty-six now and I know dreams don’t come true over night. Yet, I so wish they did. I am tired. I just want my dream career. And most of the time my head is filled with doubts and fears. Of being stuck and trap.

I am trying to focus on working out more and writing more. I have many ideas I want to do. Just trying to focus on one at least. If I was not so tired all of the time this would be easier. But, only I can make my dream happen. So, here I am doing that. Or at least trying. Wish things were easier but nope that is not life. I am happy for the reviews I got on my amazon page for my books. I wish I could get more. But, I am done begging. I’ll remember those I did not have to beg. Heh. But, I have to do more marketing. That is my fault I have not. Sigh…

Okay good things here I come.

Trying to write more!

I have not been writing as much as I want to. But, I am trying to pick it back up. I have not been writing much on my third novel in the Amour series. But, that is because I have been trying hard to finish my novel ‘A Way Home’ I am half way done with it. It will need a lot of editing though. It is very rough. I want to finish something else too. I write every so often on other things but not enough. I have no motivation or will power in the morning or evening to do anything. And it is really annoying. I have want to write in the evening and I do but not enough.

I need to start writing more. No excuses. I am tired a lot though. I had nine days off this week and I hardly have wrote anything. I feel bad about it but cannot change it. Today I am going to try to write a lot. I also have to work out and cut some wire. Why do I have no will in the day? It is getting on my nerves. I also have so much I wanna write on too. In the end I am in my head WAY TO MUCH. And it is bad. Life is a struggle right now… but I am trying to make it better. I wish my dream career would come now. If all I had was to focus on it then I would write more. Someday. I just have to keep trying and believing.
I’ve been down in the dumps lately but trying to come above it.

I have been planning on going around town to give out cards and put my posters in places. I need to do it now and stop wasting stop and avoiding it. Been to lazy and it is not good. I am 26 now and need to kick myself into gear. I need to get my name out there! Some family and friends are helping but most do not care. Yet moment I become a best-seller they’ll be running to me… Oh I will not forget.

heh! Anyways I am so happy for those who do take the time and help in anyway!

embers

Finally got my third books story.

I had started writing my third novel for my Amour series until I got ole writers block. Then I stopped writing and started focusing on a different novel. Which I have been doing well on writing. But few days ago at work I started thinking of my third novel. All day long and I finally got the whole story! I changed it some but love it.

Started writing on it. So far few pages in… still suffering from writer’s block. But, I have been pretty stressed and my aniexty is bad. I hate it. Trying to workout more but I am so exhausted everyday. I know it is not an excuse but dang my motivation is so low… I hate it.

But I have to force myself because if I don’t I’ll be this lazy loser for life. I just want to be who I see in my head. And if I keep holding myself back I will never become it.

My fixed cards and flyers came in!

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The picture is dark but the flyers are awesome!!! Bigger than I expected though! Hoping to pass them around. When I go to town again I’m going to put them on billboards. I really want to get the word out about my books. I just want this to be my career now. So badly. I know that it’s very rare that you can make it into a career immediately. But it does happen. I’ve seen it happen overnight sometimes. I absolutely love them going to try to give them to some people who lie she will give them out. I also need to make sure I write today. My niece is over here. But I need to make time to write. I haven’t wrote all week. Got a little writer’s block but I need to clear that up.

I haven’t wrote anything on my third book for my Amour series. Due to writer’s block. But I’ve been writing another book and I’ve been doing well on it though. But I know I need to write more. I need to do better. Just hoping more people will look into my books. Badly.

A Way Home.

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“Why is everything so broken?”
“Only the broken see everything as broken my dear.”

– A Way home.

“Alice’s world is dying. In an attempt to save it she must enter mysterious worlds. Worlds where she hopes to find answers or a new home. Protecting her family is all she dreams of; but doubt and fear grows in her heart with each new, rotting world. Is there ever an end to the choas? Will the secrets of a lost past bring clarity or only more pain? Will Alice ever find a new home and safety for those she loves, or will she fade away with the rest?”

New sci-fi, horror, suspense novel I am working on! Not part of the Amour series though! My goal is to publish it soon!  I’m doing pretty well and writing on it. Pretty excited about it. hoping to be finished by this month. I already have the cover picked out which matches the picture in this post. Also trying to write on a space series. Trying to get stuff out! Need to get my marketing material soon. But I also need money. Just hoping things start to pick up soon. Really want this to be my career. Just have to keep trying and hoping.

Trying to figure out a good game plan.

I have a few ideas for marketing. Like pamphlets and flyers and of course new business cards. But I just need to get my butt out and go put them around. I put some cards around today in stores I stopped at. But I need to do more and go to bigger cities. That’s what sucks about having such bad anxiety and social anxiety. And a avoidance disorder.

I know what I have to do and I just need to go do it. But it just makes me want to stay home and do nothing. But I know the only way I can do this is if I get off my butt and do it. I want to take some time to go to like Austin go around and pass my stuff out. But I also want to find new groups like book groups and stuff like that to join. I need to get a bunch of marketing materials together though which means spending more money.

I know self-publishing is spending a bunch of money. And I know in the end it’ll be worth it when you get noticed. But goodness when you’re already broke and barely getting by it’s very difficult. The stress of being constantly broke is always holding me down. Also I wish I had real internet so I can make my marketing material better. But all I have is my phone a lot of the sites don’t work properly.

Which is fine because I can visit my grandmother. But it’s so annoying having to drive places just for Internet. Also I need to make sure I have the money first before I do all that. Which is really annoying. I sound extremely negative. But money means everything really. Without it I can’t do anything. And I know I’m going to be spending a lot of money before I make anything. And that is stressful. But I love writing… it’s what I want to do I’m going to make a career out of it.

Honestly I hope it doesn’t take too long. I’m grateful for the job I have now but I know it’s not where I’m supposed to be. I’m also constantly working on my doggie daycare idea. Even if a lot of time it’s in my head. I really really want to have my own doggie daycare business. Even if that takes me awhile. Even if my book career gets off first someday that’s what I want to do. Or if that came first that’s fine. But I know I need to build a lot of confidence and self esteem.

People have been buying my second book but of course not a lot. Sad when your own family doesn’t really buy the books. Because you think they’re going to be the first to support you but in reality that’s not true. I’ve had more strangers want it than anything. But I have to stay positive. I’m very grateful for those who bought the book! Really happy about those who have been supporting me even if it’s only a few. Because a few will turn into many. And I just have to stay positive and keep looking forward to the future.

Right now I’m trying to work on being more grateful and positive. I complain too much and I’m too negative. I know I’m better than I used to be though. But I want to show more gratitude. I know I’m not where I want to be and we’re very broke. But it could be worse. We could have no house or job. I’m grateful for all I have even though I know I could have more and better. I’m trying to love myself  while I make something out of myself. My self-esteem is very low about my body image too but I’m trying to work on that as well.  I’m trying to be happier and positive so I can have a happy positive life. 

But that’s why I’m trying to write so I can have a good career so I can take care of my family. Sometimes I do wish I had gone to school perhaps I would have a job better one. But I also would be crippling debt.

I’m lucky that all I owe is on my car. I wish I could go to school but only if I could afford it. I know what I want to do writing and owning a doggie daycare business you don’t have to go to school. There’s also so much good material online and of course and regular books that you can learn. There’s so many things I want and wish for and my anxiety… it’s tearing me apart a lot. But I keep believing that there’s going to be more than this.

Because life isn’t terrible. And I’m not always going to be broke. And I’m going to be able to take care of my family. I just have to keep trying and believing. And finding outlets for my stress. Like working out what I should be doing instead of writing this blog. Hopefully I’ll have another book out soon.

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